You know I get a mysterious joy from the CSI series. I was watching CSI:NEW YORK this evening, also known by me as CSI:So That’s Where Lieutenant Dan Went. Nelly Furtado had a guest-starring role which involved her wearing great clothes as she played the part of a high-end shop lifter. I don’t believe she had any lines (I did hit the clicker a couple of times, sorry) but she was required to pose with that chiselled profile of hers. Show business, huh?
I am not so much interested in the frippery of guest-stars, rather it is the terrible dialogue that all the various CSI Lab Rats have to deliver that keeps me chuckling. The Alpha Dogs of the various CSIs (Gary Sinise, David Caruso, William Petersen) get some of the ripest lines. There is more than a whiff of old Steve McGarret-Five-O portentousness about them. I will share my favourite Five-O exchange in a moment. However all the players on CSI eventually get to say something snarky, on-the-nose or allegedly comic.
In tonight’s ep. after Nelly F’s character shop-lifted a whole mess of stuff, a store detective was shot dead. Transistion to the fitting-room crime scene. Remember in CSI speak, “vic” means victim.
BONASERA: Our vic is a loss security guard in the store.
MESSER: Poor guy couldn’t prevent the loss of his own life.
Still it can’t compare with the time some college students used their intellects to execute an ingenious jewel heist on the Big Island in Hawaii Five-O.
DANNO: What a terrible waste of brilliant young mind, Steve.
McGARRET: Yes Danno, but brilliance, like diamonds, can be flawed.
I’ve remembered that for more than twenty years. It’s that good.
Elevate the Insignificant,