Culture

2007 Curmudgeon Awards

Zeitgeisters,

Yes, these could have been up weeks ago, but as usual, life intervenes. The following nominations are for the 2007 Curmudgeon Awards. Award Categories were suggested, but the actual nominees were decided by various Expert Curmudgeons who are known to Mr Trivia.

Curmudgeon Nominator, Jason, launched himself very promisingly into the Awards by striking off in his own direction completely; his contribution was, in fact, a top 5 countdown of his own devising. Here it is.

5. Most overused idea in Comedy:
Men dressing up as women.

4. Worst publicity for the Australian Film industry:
Ghost Rider. (Previous winners: Matrix sequels, Star Wars prequels, Mission: Impossible 2, Kangaroo Jack)

3. Most horribly persistent television trend:
Channel Ten’s ‘Reality TV’ pattern; Big Brother, Australian Idol, The Biggest Loser; Big Brother, Australian Idol, The Biggest Loser…

2. Worst case of not knowing when enough is enough:
Sylvester Stallone; writer, director and star of Rocky Balboa (2006) and John Rambo (2007).

1. Most pointless inconvenience in our lives:
Day Light Savings.

Disclaimers Ahoy

Okay, the noms are next and the winner of each category is arbitrarily chosen by Mr Trivia himself, so no correspondence will be entered into. If any of the Curmudgeons who entered don’t like Mr Trivia’s editing choices no correspondence will be entered into. And as always the opinions of the Curmudgeons are entirely their own so if you don’t like any of the following opinionated rants – meh – it’s the Internet and that’s what its for.

Award Categories:

The Curmudgeon Award 2007

 

Most Insultingly-Presented News Event of the Last 12 Months.
Last Year – The Tomkat story.

01. Anything related to Paris Hilton, including, but not limited to, new stories about how news departments were no longer going to run stories about Paris Hilton.

Runner up – Britney Spears, although while Paris’s decline – I was going to say “from grace”, but really, how do you fall when you’re already laying on the floor – was annoying and self absorbed, I can’t help but find Britney’s current decent into madness somewhat fascinating. Never before has the public had such access to the horrible breakdown of a teen pop star. It’s like a car crash. In slow motion. And I just can’t look away. – MARK

02. Anything from channel 7’s sunrise. They need a bullet ANDREW

03. Anything on Today tonight (particularly that story on fat people) ASH

04. The Anna Nicole Story – if you have Foxtel, it was a bloody nightmare – the celebration of a silicon driven vacuous existence. SERENA

05. The James Packer wedding GLENN

06. The case against Mohamed Haneef. SAM

07. Ok, so I could go the obvious and talk Paris Hilton in the big house (not her mansion), Ben Cousins addiction to ice (not the fun hard water things that come in your drink), Britney Spears going Sinead O’Rebellion but I am going to go a bit more obscure this year. Mine is going to be Megan Gale and Andy Lee. Is anyone else here tired of hearing about the new Australian “IT” couple? In every Australian interview with her, their relationship is mentioned, on every broadcast on 2Day FM (92.9) he mentions her. Guess what Megan and Andy? – no one gives a shit. So a funny hot guy gets the girl – tell me a new story. I want Hamish to do a Robbie Williams and go solo. Andy is really starting to grind my gears! CANDICE

08. The Virginia Tech massacre. The fact that NBC decided to broadcast the videos and information that Seung-Hui Cho sent to them, completely and utterly disrespecting the victims and their families. It showed NBC as valuing sensationalism and profit above the memory of the victims and national sensitivity over the single largest shooting incident in its history. It not only gave an audience to the demented perspective of the TOTAL FUCKWIT who perpetrated the crime, but it was in excruciatingly bad taste to release the information. MATT

WINNER James Packer Wedding. Nine’s fawning coverage across all their alleged news shows was ludicrous.

* * * * * * *

 

Most irritating song of the last 12 months.
Last Year – James Blunt’s “You’re Beautifu”.

 

01. Right now? Operator Please “It’s just a Song About Ping-pong”. I’m sorry, but the Grates pretty much have quirky pop tied up right now. Your impression is neither relevant nor flattering. So, please, just … stop. Please? – MARK

02. “Love Today” – Mika – ANDREW

03. Anything written by Ash Gibson Greig – ASH

04. Justin Timberlake – ‘Sexy Back’ – sung by an infant who clearly needs his sexy back. – SERENA

05. Peter, Bjorn and John’s “Young Folks” – GLENN

06. Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars”. Unfortunately they escaped being hit by on-coming traffic – SAM

07. I don’t care if it is raining, pouring or even if the old man is snoring, I AM NOT STANDING UNDER RHIANNA’S UMBRELLA!!! That song gives me an uncontrollable tick and all I can see is a blinding white light that makes me want to hide under my blankets until it goes away. Now she has a new song “Shut Up and Drive” – why can’t Rhianna just Shut Up period. – CANDICE

08. Pink – Leave me alone, I’m lonely.

This petrifying assault on the already fragile mentality of every male typifies the most annoying question ever to plague mankind… that being, “What the fuck is it with chicks?” The song merely emphasises the painful reality of the female condition. Explain it? Impossible! Understand it? Never! Men can but sit astride the bucking bronco of the chameleonic rough-rider that is a female’s temperament and hope not to be skewered by the flailing horns of its utter illogic.

Every man in the world should study this song before entering a relationship, in order to elucidate that which his desire is most definitely obscuring. The endless puzzle, the quicksand deceit. Like attempting to hold down a drop of mercury, he will forever be confused. He will ask himself questions such as “What did I do?” “Was it something I said?” “What could be bothering her?” “How can I make her happy?” and never know the true answer.

Examples of the infuriating lyrics include:

Go away
Give me a chance to miss you
Say goodbye
It’ll make me want to kiss you

I love you so
Much more when you’re not here

Tonight
Leave me alone I’m lonely
Alone I’m lonely

MATT

WINNER There’s no consensus so the award goes to OPERATOR PLEASE’s ” Just A Song about Ping Pong” because it packs so much irritation into such a short span of time.

* * * * * * *

Most Over-Rated Sporting Personality of the Last 12 Months.
Last Year – Shane Warne

 

01. Ian Thorpe retiring? Which actually happened in November last year. Does that count? Really, it was much ado about nothing. And to paraphrase Whitney Houston “What had he done for us lately?” – MARK

02. Ben Cousins. Does anyone else think it (looks like)* he’s gotten off of the ice and moved onto the steroids? – ALEX

03. Any sports “personality”(isn’t the term “sports personality” an oxymoron?) – “ ANDREW

04. Chris Connolly – ASH

05. Ben Cousins – SERENA

06. Ben Cousins – GLENN

07. Ian Thorpe – because suddenly just because he could swim he’s supposed to be an authority on climate change – SAM

08. This is going to be a holla to a team rather than a personality this year. I give the gong to the entire team of the Fremantle Dockers. They were named “The team to Beat in 07″ this year but it must have been a misprint – they should of correct stated “The Team to Be Beaten in 07″. I being an avid Eagles supporter, really don’t give a rats ass about them, but in February this year, I decided to give them a go – I take that back now. – CANDICE

09. Ian Thorpe. Now he’s finished swimming, he can be used for selling absolutely everything, even something he most probably knows nothing about. He is now showing up on MY Foxtel, as a little green-crusader on a sanctimonious show about how Australian can save the environment by putting worms in an ice-cream container or peeing in the shower to save flushing water. I hate it that a professional sports career can also double as a three year broadcasting degree. I hate that Drew Banfield can’t actually manage to construct a sentence of his own, yet has the gall to appear at every bloody football telecast as a boundary rider, uttering the same stilted, half-mumbled, semi-choked-on, incoherent, garbled nonsense that seems to pass as a question nowadays. Aargh!! – “ MATT

WINNER “ Ian Thorpe & Ben Cousins in a tie (but not collar and cuffs style you get me, right?)

* * * * * * *

 

Most Over-Rated Gadget of the Last 12 Months.
Last Year – Camera Phones.

 

01. Y’know what? I’m at least 10 years too late here, but I’m going to say “The Internet”. There’s been a lot of talk this year about our less that stellar Internet services in Australia, but it’s mostly from people who know nothing about it. From talk of “tubes” to comparing wired to wireless services, it’s just getting a little much. And for what? Just so I can get more spam? Or another funny video I’ve already seen six times, from a relative or old school friend who I’ve not actually had a proper conversation with for over a year?

I’m sorry, but any technology that results in a site like myspace is not worth all of this fuss. I say, give the internet back to the nerd and the important people – like those people who make lol-cats and the rest of us should all just go outside, get some air and kick a ball around. – MARK

02. The CIA Data mining / Intellectual Property warehousing operation known as “Facebook”. – ALEX

03. KOCHIE, KYLE, SANDILANDS, HOWARD, RUDD, COUSINS, etc – ANDREW

04. The new iMac – oh wait, here’s the next model, I’ll get that one. Oh, no another model… ASH

05. Playstation 3 – GLENN

06. Windows Vista – Jesus, its SHITE – SERENA

07. My iPod. I bought my iPod Nano to sanctify my bus trips to and from work with my music taste. I love listening to Cold War Kids to Elvis Presley to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs to a classic belted out by Neil Diamond. But god forbid, get a little bit of Pineapple Juice on the damn thing, and the buttons stop working. Will technology ever get over this hurdle of spilt juice?? – CANDICE

08. The i-Phone. Not only are we going to take a year to get it in Australia. But according to reviews some of the features hearken back to the age in which a group of druids stuck some rocks in an English field and confused the future of mankind. (And also I’m jealous I don’t have one, an i-Phone, not a henge.) – MATT

WINNER Apple Mac Product Range.

* * * * * * *

 

Most Insulting Political Decision of the Last 12 Months.
Last Year – Ignoring the UN on treatment of refugees and detainees

 

01. Although it’s only very recent, I think the Liberal parties attempt at a smear campaign on Kevin Rudd is probably pretty embarrassing. So, he got drunk and went to a strip club in New York once upon a time? All this tells me is that, well at least he has genitals. – MARK

02. Squeezing out certain “grassroots” American Presidential hopefuls from debates, such as Dennis Kucinich on the left, and Ron Paul on the right. Hillary Clinton was overheard (again with politicians not learning about open microphones) scheming with John Edwards after a debate for their
teams to “work together” to exclude “minor” candidates from future
televised debates – ALEX.

03. John Howard found his balance before he hit his head outside the radio
station. – ANDREW

04. Saying the new IR laws are good for everyone – ASH

05. The treatment of Aboriginal people in NT – an issue that has been prevalent for 20 years is suddenly an election issue…. the upshot being, if you are black, you must be a paedophile and you cannot drink alcohol – prohibition didn’t work in the twenties so am not sure it will work now. – SERENA

06. To spend millions of tax dollars on advertising WorkChoices and pretending that it is not party-political. – GLENN

07. Passing the legislation for Anti Money Laundering and Counter Terrorist Financing, despite the loud objections of the Privacy Commissioner and the fact that it totally undermines current Privacy Legislation and nobody even blinked. In fact all this terrorist idiocy that is simply just an excuse to violate privacy and undermine freedom. Oh my, don’t I sound horrendously political? – SAM

08. I’m not insulted by Kev Rudd going to a strip joint. Hands up guys, who has never been to one…(crickets chirping…distant *cough*) I’m insulted that the media would think that we would care that he went to one. So what?! Even though he looks like Mr Sheen, doesn’t mean that he is as clean as him. – CANDICE

09. Cancelling Mohammed Haneef’s visa after the Federal Court found there was insufficient evidence to charge him with providing material support to terrorism. Highly insulting that the Federal Government can essentially ignore the ruling of a court charged with deciding the legality of a situation and commence a series of activities that are essentially unconstitutional. Douchebags! – MATT

WINNERPretending Workchoices Ads aren’t party political.

* * * * * * *

 

Most Annoying Expression or Piece of Slang
New Category

 

01. I’m a huge non-fan of “At the end of the day,” but I think I’m probably going to lean more towards a more general vote of Quotes from Little Britain characters. Oh, and as a secondary vote, can I just say, I can’t believe people still say “Not happy Jan”. – MARK

02. Carbon Neutral. Nuff said.. ALEX

03. “At the end of the day” / “My bad” – ANDREW

04. Make it ‘more edgy’. It’s all I hear these days! What does that
mean, tell me!!! – ASH

05. Yeah nah… Are you agreeing or disagreeing? Pick one, damn it!

Perhaps I could be so bold as to suggest another category? “The most annoying fashion trend or designer”. – GLENN

06. Once again we are in accord. I too have developed a pet peeve regarding moving forward. What I love about it is the way it is used as superfluous words rather than to replace the word progressing. People say things like “We need to discuss what we’re going to do, moving forward.” I am always tempted to say, “Oh, I thought we would go backwards”. Also, the less progressive the organisation or idea the more often you will hear these meaningless words. I heartily endorse your nomination and inclusion of this new category, moving forward. – SAM

07. ‘Fully sick’ – SERENA

08. Anything that comes out of Mark Holden’s mouth on Australian Idol. This f***ing “touchdown” business has now created a spawn of advertisements – particularly with little brats saying this phrase, trying to be funny. Mark Holden should have faded out after his character “Dr Greg Mason” left the Young Doctors. But this man has come back with a-vengeance, and he will probably go down in the Australian World Records as Biggest Wanker on Television. – CANDICE

09. Tech heads who call people ‘Noobs’ for not being completely, retardedly obsessed with video games or computer geekery. Derived from the internet TV show, “Pure Ownage”. The depth of my hatred for this term is incalculable!

Two computer nerds were talking near me about their tech-world and I have asked what any layman might consider to be a reasonable question. Something like “Hey guys, what exactly is a twin-intercooled, proton differential, double fractoid-driven, 2064 series, pro-lydium, anti-scramble, data chip?” And with all the cool of a baby goat being mauled by a drunken hyena, the nerd has turned, raised an eyebrow at me, turned back to his equally repugnant counterpart and exhibited the most annoying phrase in the English language, “He is such a NOOB”. They both giggle through their braces, and for some reason feel like they have succeeded in slinking themselves one notch up the pecking order. Needless to say I punched both of them in the face proved I could blitz them intellectually when I yelled back at the cowering pair “NO! You guys are NOOBS!!” Not really knowing what a noob was at the time. – MATT

WINNERNoobs. This is indeed annoying. Although a special mention must go to Candice for nominating Mark Holden and for knowing the name of his character on THE YOUNG DOCTORS. Very impressive.

Elevate the Insignificant,
Mr Trivia

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