Talk To The Hand


People are always asking me where I get the ideas for my Ventriloquist act. Usually they are torn from the headlines. Just yesterday I was rehearsing with Porter, my latest dummy. Porter, made of Oregon Pine, takes on the persona of a rebellious teen in the act. I pretend like I’m his dad and I nag him constantly about all manner things; his dress, his appearance, his addiction to Ice.

It’s funny stuff; maybe a little edgy for cruise ships, but perfect for an evening at the Karalee Tavern in Preston Street, Como. Although, they probably won’t have me back there since I cracked the front pane of their new baine marie, but who knew that spilling ice water on a heated sheet of glass could break it? What am, I? Stephen Freakin’ Hawking?

But I digress, back to the act. There are these new tax cuts that government is offering. And we were working something of this nature.

MR TRIVIA: Hey Porter, these new tax cuts look good don’t they?

PORTER: No, they like the desperate promises of a government with no ideas and who can only win through bribing the electorate.

MR TRIVIA: Hang on there buddy, that’s a little steep. It is our money after all!

PORTER: That’s right dumbass, and like conservative governments everywhere, if they actually do cut taxes, it means they won’t be spending on social services or infrastructure and then they’ll accuse the new guys of being BIG SPENDING when they have to come in and fix stuff like the hospital system!

MR TRIVIA: You just got yourself grounded, Mr Smart Mouth.

PORTER: You’re ruining society for me and my pals in Generation Y, dude!

Yeah, it needs a little work. Maybe I should just concentrate more on gags about how Porter is made of wood. That never fails.

Elevate the Insignificant,

Mr Trivia

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