Well, there it was, in the “Notifications” part of my Facebook page. Three of my FB friends were Rachel Green from Friends. Which one was she? Oh yeah. Jennifer Aniston. Three in a row just like that. A hat-trick sorority of Green clones. That was fine for them and their Rachel ‘dos.
But what of me? Was I Rachel Green enough to take the mantle? Gritting my teeth I added the “Which Friends Character Are You?” application and answered the not-too-stupid questions. I mean I had to do it – I have blogged about my feelings for FRIENDS.
How would you like to spend a Saturday afternoon?
- Cooking a fancy dinner
- Shopping, of course!
- TV – ’nuff said
- Doing absolutely nothing
- Saturday’s a great time to get your work done!
- Figure out where to go and whether there will be hot people there.
Surely “doing absolutely nothing” and “TV” were the same answer? Which would I chose? What Would Rachel Do? Shopping, right? But I couldn’t consciously skew the results, could
The interrogation went on.
What do you consider your best asset?
- Your intelligence
- Your sense of humor
- Your body
- Your organization abilities
- Your freethinking attitude
- Your sense of style
Nearly tricked me there. I almost said, “Intelligence”. Despite being beaten down intellectually every year since I left Primary School, it has taken me years to realise that I was not going to suddenly bloom into a genius. That left only my sense of humour. (Don’t rat me out my fellow Zeitgeisters, I need this).
As I zipped through the remaining questions it was becoming clear to me that if I answered truthfully, that not only was I not Greenish, but I could end up only as Ross Geller. David Schwimmer. Oh My God! Even my fictional alter-ego was still some kind of Geek! I’ve got two blogs for pity’s sake. Of course, I’m a flippin’ GEEK!
But there are greater powers directing us than we realise, people – Donald Trump, Rupert Murdoch, The Great Gazoo. I had to answer with a truthful heart. It’s in the rules, ragazzi.
I hit “submit”. I avoided the bulldust about sending the stuff to my friends. Because they’re like, my friends. Then, up the answer screen popped.
YOU ARE: CHANDLER BING.
You are noted for your wise-cracks and sardonic attitude which provides a defense mechanism. Deep down you are a true romantic and want nothing more than to find your soul mate and share a beautiful life together. You never take yourself or your friends too seriously but tend to get stressed and overwhelmed with work. You are naturally smart and charming but tend to be a follower of those that you think are “cool”.
WTF! Chandler Bing? Matthew Perry! He’s the one I hated the most. The guy with the “For the Record…,” “Guilty as charged”, and “Incoming!” type wisecracks. How could I be Chandler Freakin’ Bing?
Although after I thought about it…
I realised that I could craft a series of vehement, non-funny punchlines to feedlines that no-one has uttered. And then go around saying them at every opportunity. Try these on for size.
“You mean the CRAZY GUY who used to CLEAN OUR POOL?!”
“For the record, I’m feeling a TWO FEET TALL right now!”
“ Oh my god – my life just became a HANK WILLIAMS song!”
“If you saw what I just saw, YOU WOULD TEAR YOUR EYES OUT!”
“To you it’s a ding dong, but to me it’s a WEEKEND in Hawaii!”
“Can everyone stop saying, MUCUS MEMBRANE? Thank you!”
And Matthew Perry was rather good when he played a Republican Lawyer (one of the assistants to White House counsel, I think) in The WEST WING.
Hmmm. This might just work.