Who was Lep Loney?

Who was Lep Loney?

Well, no-one really. And that’s the way he liked it. He was a Poet who wrote what he liked to call Prosems and Phoems. It amazed us he was never snapped up by the Constable Care writing team.

He had just written a new poem at the time of this original entry – but now in January 2010 – he has left us. Though fear not Gentle Reader! He has merely left his far away Tasmanian home and skipped Launceston without paying his bills, Who knows – he may turn up in future writing angry phoems about the injustice of small claims court proceedings? A subject that he returned to numerously as the spaniel doth return to its vomit.

However today, we are reproducing his 2007 poem about a mystical experience he had with the vision or spirit form of a 1980s television primetime television star.

It’s called Hawaiian Footprints.

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with Magnum PI.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to Magnum PI.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the Magnum PI about it:

“Magnum PI, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you’d walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me.”

Magnum PI replied:

“I could say this: During your times of trial and suffering,when you see only one set of footprints,it was then that I carried you. But actually, I was bit tired of all your crap and often I just took off and had margaritas with Rick and TC at the King Kamehameha club.

I am not God, I’m just a great-looking guy with a cool car and a moustache. My advice, don’t be such a whiny, crybaby.”


0 thoughts on “Who was Lep Loney?

  1. Firstly, thank you for reminding me of the Good Works of Constable Care. My life has been feeling empty lately and CC might just fill the void with his folksy paternalistic poetry.

    Secondly, great poem by Mr Lep Loney there. I have one question though: Is Magnum directly quoting jesus in those last two stanzas? Those words seem strangely familiar… Or maybe it’s just because my husband said something very similar to me just yesterday and I assumed he was quoting the Bible to me, as usual.

  2. Mr Loney doesn’t need thanking precisely since he was ripping off a work called Footprints. It is one of those ‘Desiderata’ type poems – the origins of which very little is known. According to our good buddy the Wikipedia there are a number of claimants.

    Magnum is always cool, however, so I guess Lep, who is somewhat of a heathen, recognised the one thing this unctuous poem always needed.

  3. p.s. As for Constable Care – the fact that he has reached a new century, in puppet form in Western Australia – well that just warms the cockles o’ the heart…

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