Culture

Slap Happy

Some quick thoughts on the Slap Chop.  NOTE: If you don’t know what that is or how it works spend some time watching the famous infomercial (below). You’ll get it before the first minute is over. The Slap Chop seems okay. I don’t like it quite as much as Vince does. But Vince also likes the Sham Wow so his judgement is in question as well as up for sale.  I wanted a Slap Chop because I don’t like chopping vegetables. I do it six days out of seven and find somewhat dull.

I first learnt to chop vegetables as a kid working in my parents’ various restaurants, so I’ve have sliced a myriad of onions, a plethora of cabbage and a several tonnes of carrot in my time.  It’s boring and a tiny bit dangerous. Not sky diving dangerous, but certainly ‘get me to the emergency room, stat!’ levels of threat.

But my main objection to the Slap Chop is the size of the appliance. The celery, potato etc that go into it, are all sliced at least once. Some of the longer items have been cut several times. And I’m really not up for that.  I need a pre-Slap Chop invention that will take the carrot, wash it, peel it and cut it into quarters so it can fit into the Slap Chop. Without this kind of pre-Treatment I have at least 5 minutes of prep before I can have the cathartic fun of smashing down the button on the Slap Chop.

Five minutes people. That’s 300 seconds that I could be employing to greater effect. Reading great works of literature. Learning Esperanto. Or even blogging. (You’ll probably want to scratch that last one.)

If  this device were to be invented, then perhaps I could consider the purchase of the Slap Chop. I would like to propose The Slap Prep as its name. Hopefully it’s operation would be similar to the original ingenious kitchen appliance.

Go to it Domestic Scientists!

Mr Trivia

0 thoughts on “Slap Happy

  1. I think you’re referring to the famous “pre-Slap-Chop” aka. “common kitchen knife” (or CKK) – called so because it preceded the wonderful invention of yet another petrol-based product that soon, we’re all going to have to live without.

    I wonder how much petrol we’re actually all eating? Hmpf. Guess we’ll never know.

  2. This reminds me of a bit that David Cross does about a set of battery powered scissors he saw on late night TV. I can’t remember how it went exactly, but it was sure to have been filled with the vitriol that Mr Cross is known for. Seriously, does he like anyone? Heh… I doubt it. I mean, I’d be pretty bitter and twisted if I’d gone from starring in the genius that was Mr. Show with Bob and Dave to “Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel”. And yeah, I read his myspace blog post on how he was just doing what he needed to do to buy a house, but now that I think about it, he wrote that about the first film, so god knows what his excuse was for the second one. When you can’t get Jason Lee back for a sequel (sorry, squeakquel) you know you’re in trouble. Am I right?

    Anyway, Vince is a jerk that beats up hookers. I’m guessing they don’t air this ad in the states anymore. You’re spot on about the size, any chopping device that requires pre-chopping is a waste of time.

  3. @Edwin – I don’t think I can enjoy food that hasn’t been tainted although I should probably use the word ‘sweetened’ with petroleum. Mmmm, service station hot dogs….

    @Mark – I love me a David Cross rant. As long as he’s taking pot shots at Larry the Cable Guy, I’m happy. As you say, two ALVIN films does smack of hypocrisy – what would alternate universe David Cross say about the David Cross of our world? As for Vince and his violence against women, it’s pathetic. Only Charlie Sheen can get away with that and still be paid riculous sums of money.

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