I was speaking to Rollo Tomasi (not his real name) at the ATO (not a real government department) today on the electric telephone. He explained to me why it was only fair and reasonable that the outstanding amount I owed, was upped a further 15.75% every time crude oil prices went up or down.
He then explained that this was why the amount I owed the people of Australia was actually different to the amount on the little chit the Australian Tax Office sent me.
MR TRIV: It’s not a little chit. It’s a pretty big chit, actually.
ROLLO T: Very good sir, humour will get you through this.
MR TRIV: I suppose you’ve heard that one before?
ROLLO T: Yes, but not this week.
MR TRIV: So I’m supposed to recalculate this amount before I pay you…
ROLLO T: Factoring in the US Sub Prime Loan crisis and El Nino, yes.
MR TRIV: What about the Australian cricket team’s run rate?
ROLLO T: It depends whether you mean beach cricket or v. India.
MR TRIV: I’d just like to say that all of this is undemocratic and oppressive.
ROLLO T: I’m typing as you speak…
MR TRIV: Isn’t this being recorded?
ROLLO T: Geoff the Recorder Guy is still on holiday in Byron.
MR TRIV: Very nice.
ROLLO T: His wife’s family live there.
MR TRIV: Work life balance is important.
ROLLO T: Indeed it is. You were accusing us of being oppressive?
MR TRIV: Yes, I was going on to say you were violating my human rights.
ROLLO T: Not me personally, I hope.
MT TRIV: No, no! The pitiless bureaucracy you represent.
ROLLO T: I do think you’re on somewhat shaky ground, sir.
MR TRIV: I go where my conscience leads, Rollo.
ROLLO T: Well in that case, check out www.hreoc.gov.au.
MR TRIV: The Human Rights and Equal Opportunities Commission website?
ROLLO T: Correct. Did you know it’s their 21st Anniversary?
MR TRIV: No I didn’t.
ROLLO T: Please wish them happy birthday from me. Say, “Rollo sends his love”.
MR TRIV: I’m really not comfortable…
ROLLO T: Fine. I might have crossed a line. Sorry.
MR TRIV: It’s just as well Geoff’s in Byron.
ROLLO T: Yeah, we’re saying all sorts to the punters.
MR TRIV: Right. I need to wrap this up. Thanks for your assistance.
ROLLO T: You’re welcome and by the way, we all love your blog.
MR TRIV: Thanks, but how do you know about it? I’m the fictional Mr Trivia.
ROLLO T: I don’t get your meaning.
MR TRIV: You’re not talking to me as Mr Trivia, I’m using my real name.
ROLLO T: Still not quite…
MR TRIV: How did you work out Mr Trivia is me?
ROLLO T: We are the Tax Department, Wayne*.
Elevate the Insignificant,
* Not my real name.