I recently received this letter right in my Facebook In-Box. It’s from a complete stranger, whom we shall refer to as Tiffani. That isn’t her real name, but the alias I have chosen approximates the feel of her actual name.
Tiffani wrote to me almost a fortnight ago and I felt unable to answer her note. Basically, I didn’t know what was appropriate. Nor indeed exactly what she wanted. Perhaps you can help me out? Here is most of her letter with only a few words excised to protect her identity.
Mr Trivia, I am a woman!!!
i like your profile!!! i think its… cool
I have some hot undies. i’m dying to show off. u interested?
Contact me at (excised) .com .
I almost never respond through facebook.
I’m really not sure I understand what Tiffani is looking for with this extraordinary note.
She begins strongly harking back to feminist songstress Helen Reddy’s 1970s pop smash hit call to arms I AM WOMAN. She proclaims her womanhood with three exclaimation marks- she MEANS IT!!!
Then she says likes my Facebook profile – only natural. She even identifies it as ‘cool’. So she is demonstrating taste and good judgement, all very encouraging.
But then she veers off into uncharted territory by talking up her hot undies. I think Tiffani has erred here by taking the spotlight off me and swinging it back to herself and her allegedly toasty undergarments. Then she asks if I’m interested in seeing her show them off. Hey, hey, hey….hey there. Just…whoa.
Firstly, Tiffani you are represented by Facebook’s default no photo ID. The dude with the little jelled up spike ‘do. So to me you resemble the white silhouette of the completely mental Ed Grimley, the comedy character made famous by Martin Short, certainly not someone that I have ever imagined seeing in his BVDs. Secondly, at the time of your message, my profile pic was a video frame capture of former Channel 10 kid’s mascot, Kenny Kidna – ‘trying to get ta bed, rest his weary head’. So what are you saying? Is it “Could Ed Grimley’s outline ever get busy with Kenny Kidna?” Then sadly, the answer has to be ‘No’.
Now it has occurred to me that perhaps I have misread Tiffani’s intentions. She says she almost never responds through Facebook. Hence I think her rookie error in mentioning her Holeproofs way too early. You almost never caught Carrie doing this in SEX AND THE CITY. Tiffani’s obviously a Facebbok – and probably – an Online Noob.
So was Tiffani just asking for an opinion on the hot undies. Was she selling insurance? Perhaps she was some kind of Russian Mafia Internet scam artist?
What, if anything, should I tell her?